The Robot Falls In Love
by bikelock28
Summary: "I, y'know, changed. Learnt. But I'm still the same awesome suited-up awesomer you've always secretly wanted to bang,". He winks again and clicks his tongue. She rolls her eyes,". Short Barney/ Lily friendship fluff, post 8.12. Chapter 2 now up, post 7.01- "It's a dude," he states, looking up at Lily."How could you possibly know that?" "Heh. Please," She rolls her eyes.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello! I've always thought that the Barney/ Lily friendship is really cute, and I thought that she'd have something to say about his engagement. This is set a few days after 8.12 **_**The Final Page**_**, and the episode referred to is 2.16 **_**Stuff. **_** Enjoy!**

The Robot Falls In Love

The others go into Marvin's room to play with him, and Barney and Lily are left alone together on the couch. She pulls him towards her and wraps her arms around his back.

"I always knew you would," whispers Lily against his cheek.

"I would what?" he replies.

"Love, she says simply, "I always knew you had it in you"

"I'll have it in _you_ in a minute, if you'll let me,"

He pulls away from her and winks, and she punches his arm. He recoils, then grins at her. His smile has always made her let him get away with anything.

"Anyway," Barney scorns, "I'm not going to become some sappy married….sap, all love and hearts and all that crap. I'm not going to become Marshall,"

"No," she agrees, because she doesn't want him to, "But you always said that love didn't exist and Ted was stupid-"

"Ted is stupid," he interrupts.

She pushes his shoulder and continues, "-for wanting to find love, and that marriage and commitment were death. And you could never tell her you loved her. You even broke a TV, Barney!"

He gags, "You know about that?"

She says nothing, just gives him the "Please," look which he himself so often uses on others.

"Well," he says hesitantly, "I, y'know, changed. Learnt. But I'm still the same awesome suited-up awesomer you've always secretly wanted to bang,". He winks again and clicks his tongue. She rolls her eyes.

"I guess it was you who believed in me though," he adds quietly, "You were always like, "Tell her how you feel," and "Ask her out," even though most of the time I didn't want to, or I couldn't. I still- I still can't really deal with all that "feelings," malarkey you think is so great, but I…" he tails off, and there's a long pause.

"Thanks, Lil," he says.

Lily remembers that play she was in years ago, and Barney's ridiculous vengeance on her for it. The best part had obviously been when Marshall had slapped him, because God, he had deserved it, but now Lily remembers something else, something she's forgotten until now- _"You wait till Act 2. Spoiler alert: the robot falls in love,"_

And he had. Not only had the robot fallen in love, he had grown up and worked at it and made sacrifices, and was actually going to get _married. _

Lily feels a jolt of affection for this guy, this evil, sociopathic idiot who she's always believed in. She takes Barney's hand, and holds it for a second before he jumps away.

"Woah, enough of that "feelings" crap, Aldrin. I'm gonna find Robin; we still haven't had sex in your kitchen yet,"

The robot heads into Marvin's room to find his fiancée. As he does, he turns back to Lily and calls, "You're welcome to join in if you want to!"

**Thank you for reading, I hope you liked it. If you did- or if you didn't- reviews are really appreciated. Thanks again, have a nice day :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**This was originally meant to be one chapter then I got this idea. It's unrelated to Ch1, but seeing as thematically it's a parallel, I thought it belonged in the same story. Who knows, Perhaps I'll do more Barney/Lily one-shots in this fic. I hope you like this one.**

**Set post-7.01 ****_The Best Man._**

Announcment

Barney finds himself outside, doused in the quiet of the balcony. He spots Lily nearby, obviously avoiding the noise and chaos the reception her husband has ruined. Barney saunters over to her, and- adopting a gruff Cockney accent- says, "So, you're up the duff, then?"

Lily glances round at him, nods and Barney switches back to his normal voice to say, "_Finally._ S'it mine?"

She pulls an _oh-very-funny _face, and Barney says before he thinks about it, "You know, this is the first pregnancy I've ever been pleased about,"

"Sweet," she retorts snarkily- but the more Lily considers it, the more she thinks how empty Barney's life is. Of course _he_ doesn't see it that way, but it seems bleak to her that his default reaction to the words "I'm pregnant" is panic, stress and chain-smoking.

For the first time, her hands go instinctively to her abdomen.

"Can you feel it?" asks Barney, eyes wide. Lily shakes her head,

"Not for ages. I'm only a few weeks gone,"

He nods thoughtfully, and asks, "Can I try…?"

She narrows her eyes at him.

"I promise I won't cop a feel or anything! I just want to see if I can feel it move,"

"I told you, you won't,"

He gives her a pleading look.

"Fine," she concedes, "Go on,"

Barney drops to his knees in front of her, wraps his arms round her waist and puts his ear to her stomach. He clenches his eyes shut in concentration- but there's nothing. No sound of the little life growing inside her. Marshall and Lily's sex Barney reflects, is about love, and this baby's made from that love. He bites his lip, and feels relived that he doesn't understand.

"It's a dude," he states, looking up at Lily.

"How could you possibly know that?"

"Heh. Please,"

She rolls her eyes.

"Hey, in 21 years and, um, eight months, we are gonna be the most legendary uncle-and-nephew unit of all time!"- then he catches himself- "I can be his uncle, right?".

The uncertainty in his voice is touching, "I mean, not for reals obviously, but he can call me uncle, can't he? Please?"

His face is both hopeful and fearful, like Oliver Twist asking for more in the workhouse. Not for the first time, Lily reflects what a sweet little boy Barney Stinson must have ben. A nightmare one too, of course- she can compare him to any number of devils she's taught in her class over the years- but a sweet one, all the same. Lily touches a hand to his bony face and says softly, "Of course you'll be an uncle,"

His face lights up and he presses a kiss to her stomach like Marshall did before. Then he catches himself, freezes, and abruptly jumps to his feet.

"If you tell anyone I did that," Barney hisses shiftily, "I will make sure that your son doesn't get laid until he's at least thirty,"

She laughs and pushes him affectionately, "Is Barney Stinson getting soft in his old age?"

"Old? I'm twenty-eight! At least that's what I told the chick in the pet store last week- what up! And second- I am not soft. I'm hard 24/7, know what I mean?" his eyebrows wriggle, then he adds defensively, "And just cos I'm glad you're having a baby and I'm glad that Nora called me back, doesn't mean I'm turning into Ted,"

Lily bites her lip and wonders how to broach the subject of Nora and Robin with him. She's glad Barney's sorted out the mess he made with Nora, and that he's apparently trying again…but there's unfinished business between him and Robin. Anyone who'd seen that dance could see how much kinetic passion there is between them. And it may just have been the angle she was standing at, but Lily's fairly sure that that dance looked to be ending in a kiss before Barney's phone rang. It might be the hormones talking, but Lily can't see this predicament ending well. For anybody.

"Barney, I was-" but the words fade before she can get them out.

She'll have to consider carefully how to discuss this with him. Explaining to a man who doesn't believe in love that he's in the centre of a love triangle will require planning. He may well just take it as an ego-boost, rather than an actual emotional problem.

"Never mind,"

Silence settles. Barney scuffs his shoes in the gravel, mulling over Lily and Marshall having a kid. A few years ago, he'd have thought that having a baby around would ruin everything- although now it might actually be okay. Barney, Ted, Marshall, Lily, Robin and Barney (because they'll name their child after him, right?). He can teach the kid how to be awesome- let's face it, which those parents, the baby'll need all the help he can get. Barney can buy him suits and inappropriate birthday presents like he does with Eli, and in a few years they can play Laser Tag together.

Yup, this new baby might be pretty legendary indeed.

Lily touches a hand to where the baby's growing again. She still can't believe it, but she thinks that she and Marshall are ready for it. She hopes so, anyway- and even if they're not, Ted's so dad-ish already, and he'll drop everything to help them out if they need it. Ted can be their baby's cloying, museum-visit, books-as-birthday-gifts uncle; Robin can be its has-a-cool-job-on-TV aunt, and Barney can be its crazy-suit-up-laser-tag uncle. That's all the bases covered, surely?

She glances Barney kicking a stone with his toe, and thinks that in many ways he still _is_ that sweet little boy. Not the cynical sex-addict part of him; the wild and unstoppable and mad-ideas part of him who can't be talked out of any scheme no matter how ridiculous it is. She reckons he's the kind of guy who any kid should have around.

"You'll be an awesome uncle," says Lily quietly. Barney turns and smiles at her- and in all her life Lily's never seen him look so proud.

**Thanks a million for reading. Anyone who reviews is totally awesome ;)**


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